As a girl of the late 70s and 80s, I was fortunate enough to grow up in an era surrounded by messages telling me that as a girl I could perhaps be anything I wanted to be. I then had girl power and feminism, and what this meant was that I genuinely believed I could have it all if I wanted it. I could be a wife, a mother a homemaker. I could be a strong independent businesswoman, who was dependent on nobody but myself. I could therefore be anything in between or a combination of any of the above. This didn't give me a script or a plan, it gave me something much more powerful. As a girl growing up in that decade, I felt like I had endless choices. In recent times however, I have been thinking about my male counterparts. Suddenly for boys it was perhaps a little less clear what the gender role of male should look like. If women could do everything and no longer needed a man, then what was their role? Did they have choices? 

Men and boys used to being central and in control were suddenly having to budge up a bit and let the girls in. This might sound naïve, because still today our male dominated structures and systems in society suggest that some of this shift remains somewhat superficial. I think therefore that the boys of my generation did okay, maybe even ‘business as usual’. How about the boys who are growing up now though? What I see is certain boys that are attracted to the belief systems of someone like Andrew Tate. He is rich, powerful and has status, traditionally things that prove that you are successful, especially as a male. He is therefore quite compelling if you are feeling a little lost in the world. His outrageous statements and shocking misogyny maybe don’t sound that shocking if you're not quite sure where you fit. 

Grooming and radicalisation target vulnerable people and gradually and subtly shift mindsets. They are processes which promote a sense of belonging and a shared purpose for those who maybe don't feel like they do belong. It provides role models for people who haven't got great role models elsewhere. 

Research tells us that there is a problem in our schools. Lots of our boys are struggling. We see disappointing academic outcomes and boys who are less interested in studying at higher levels. We also see increased concern around boy’s mental health and male suicide rates. We have boys displaying aggressive and challenging behaviours, and now what we're seeing is increasingly worrying attitudes playing out as misogyny. From inappropriate language to more concerning sexualised attitudes and behaviours. When I provide training about sexualised behaviours, we always talk about unmet needs. We have to acknowledge that many of our boys are demonstrating and communicating that they have unmet needs. 

I wonder about the boys growing up being told that girls rule the world, and this being accompanied by a cheer, however those boys knowing that if they were to state that boys rule the world that would definitely attract challenge and criticism. Maybe our boys struggle comes from trying to understand what a boy should look like. It can be hard for a boy to like classically deemed stereotypical things, because if you’re obsessed by football and fancy girls, there is a presumption that this means that you can't be emotionally literate, and academically ambitious. 

Misogyny is one of the biggest concerns of most, if not all the secondary schools I work with, and this as with anything is now filtering down to our younger children. From casual comments on the corridor to genuine hate language against females. It feels like we have gone back in time. The term toxic masculinity is often used and whilst its intention is to highlight the negative aspects of how a boy can behave, I wonder if by using the word toxic alongside the word masculinity it begs the question of what masculinity should look like. It feels as a society that we are getting really good at telling boys what they shouldn't be, it makes me wonder how much we're telling boys what they can be and what choices they have. I wonder if some of the fascination in Andrew Tate is that he is providing answers to these boys. I would hope that we all would all agree that the answers he is providing are unhelpful and dangerous, but what if he's the only one providing answers. If a child is looking for a role model and if a child is looking for ways to belong and if somebody provides both those things, that is incredibly attractive. It is important as schools that we have no tolerance for misogyny and hate language towards girls. It is also important that we don't inadvertently blame the boys for everything. We have to question if they are using this language and displaying these behaviours - what are their unmet needs and how can we better meet them? This is the only way that they stop looking for answers on their own and end up with Andrew Tate.  

We understand in schools that children need role models and aspirational people that they can identify with. We have come so far in ensuring therefore that we include women, individuals from black and ethnic minorities, individuals with disabilities, individuals who identify as LGBTQ and this is so important and so inspiring. I wonder if in doing this we ever forget the boys who would consider themselves to have none of these protected characteristics. The boys who have absent fathers, or fathers who don’t provide healthy role models. The boys who grow up with fathers who have lost their role in the world due to the closure of mines or changes in industry. As with everything, children these days seek so much information about who they should be or could be from social media, gaming and other online platforms, it no wonder we’re all talking about Andrew Tate. 

So do I have the solution, unfortunately not…yet! I am fascinated by this topic and genuinely believe that it is our generation that have the responsibility to ensure that the fallout from the essential empowerment of some groups, isn’t the disempowerment of boys. If this happens or continues to happen perhaps, then to me the very least we see is boys who struggle to achieve and struggle to become successful, and the very worst we see is boys trying to claim back power and status through aggression, violence and the need to make other groups subversive. 

It makes me think of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ and the quote of a Commander:

So, if you work in a school I ask you to check you PSHE curriculum, review your inspirational people books or displays and reflect on your responses and conversations with boys. I ask you to think about the male role models the children encounter and think about whether they provide choices of what a positive male could be like. I ask you to acknowledge and reward positive behaviours and teach emotional literacy, thinking about some boys as needing to be a targeted group. I ask you to continue to challenge inappropriate language and misogyny, however invite discussion around this so boys feel able to express their views and opinions in a safe environment. I actually ask you to continue to talk about Andrew Tate and acknowledge that the end to the statement 'Boys will be..' depends on what we teach them.